Well my mom seems to think that I should stay home more, and she can't see why I'd ever want to leave. When I asked her about the possibility of boarding school, she went into hysterics. I tried to explain my situation to her, but she doesn't really listen. From her point of view, it's stupid for me to leave home now because it's a waste of money and she thinks it'll make her look bad in front of her friends. I can't see why boarding school is embarrassing. Anyway, I have several really good reasons for going or at the least considering boarding school.
1.) I really am not happy at all at my mom's house, and my dad only has custody of me twice a month. My mom constantly picks fights with me for almost anything I do. For example, I wanted to get a job so that I could make some extra money to spend on the weekends, eating out, etc. She couldn't believe that I'd want a job. She told me that I should appreciate what I already get [money for gas but not much else]. I never once complained about the amount of money she gave me - I simply wanted a little change in my pocket. I can't see what's wrong with that. These fights generally consist of her yelling at me for about 20 minutes, guilt-tripping for another 20 or so, and they finally end with a 30 minute emotional meltdown about whatever is really bothering her. These fights happen almost every time I come home. I really can't stand the drama. I'm a laid back person, and I've tried to talk to her about it countless times. Hell, I've been in therapy for the last six months about it, and I just can't take it anymore.
2.) I am really different from most of the people at my school. I have fun with my friends, but I can't really connect to anyone I go to school with. I guess I'm just in a different state of mind than they are. This definatley includes guys. The last guy I dated felt out my friend, the guy before that talked about wrestling and football for three entire hours at dinner, and the others did other things of the same nature. The only guy I really enjoyed dating ended up moving across the country.
3.) Sports. My school has an obsession with sports. It is required that you take one after school every day. I don't really like sports. I'm not good at them, and even though I played tennis almost every day for over three years, I was still only the 7th best player on the team. I didn't even enjoy it. When I started to ask myself why I did it, I couldn't come up with a single reason. Soon my friend and I were skipping practice 2 - 3 times a week, and I realized that tennis was no longer important to me in any way. [I love art, but they don't offer that as an after school activity. I guess they decided to cut it out since there's no state championship for art.]
I guess basically I just don't feel like there's anywhere I really belong here in my hometown. My best friend is all I've got, and her parents have already agreed to send her away for school next year. I can barely take this now, and I can't imagine how hard it will be only seeing her on the weekends and talking on the phone.
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5 comments:
I know the feeling. I really hope it gets better for you. =)
There's always hope. Not like that's not cheesy or anything...haha.
But really, I just took a gigantic leap and broke free of all that shit. It's been tough times...but it'll all be greater in the end.
And yes, Imogen Heap makes me cream my pants. But not really. =P
It was mostly a change I made in myself. I realized that I had been living all my life as other people wanted me to. I did it because I wanted them all to be happy. Then I realized how unhappy I was and saw that sometimes in life we all need to be a little bit selfish. So I did what I wanted to and what I thought best for me. I lost some friends and I had problems with my parents...but it's all working itself out and now I'm much happier with my life because I made it. Not someone else.
I agree with Kat--live your life for YOU and ONLY you. You are your first priority; if you can't be happy, you can't make others happy.
My parents aren't together, either, so I know the feeling of wondering where you belong. It gets easier over time, as you get older.
Don't worry--you can be free. You just have to liberate yourself first. :]
About the friends, I understand. I can't tell them anything important. It's so sad that we can joke around with people so easily but we can't actually TALK to them.
And do what's right for you. Maybe she is just jealous that you want to leave her? Arty and Kat have the idea. In 10 years, your mom's not going to be the one making the decisions. You are. She has to get used to it one day. (yes it sounds harsh yes?)
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