School and Such...

First of all...
I just realized that the way I described my school situation is really confusing. On Aug 16th, I put that I want to go away to boarding school, but on Aug 19th, I put that I do go to a boarding school. Both are true; I go to a boarding school, but I don't board [I really want to - I went away for a long time this summer, and I loved it]. I simply stay there as late at night as possible without being annoying about it. Luckily almost all of my friends board so it's pretty easy.

And now for the rest...
School... hmm. The people situation is really weird still, but I'm much happier at school than at home because of my mom and everything. Although I don't really connect with too many people, at least we have a good time. I mean really, bitching mom or hanging out while playing intense Guitar Hero? Anyone could make that decision. Oh, and I signed up for bowling as a joke thinking it was full. Apparantly, it wasn't because I'm now on the Bowling Team. haha I seriously suck at bowling. Anyway, the coach told me that they were really desperate for girls, so hopefully I'll meet a cool guy through it. I haven't been in a relatioship since early June, and I sorta miss it. On to classes and stuff though... I don't know if I'm going to pass this year. Haha, but seriously, I'm taking a lot of APs this year, and the regular classes are no walk in the park either. Here's my schedule:

Honors PreCal
Painting
AP English Language
AP Physics
AP US History
Digital Design

One of my friends is in my English class, and yesterday, when the professor asked her what her favorite memory of school was, she talked about a time when she and I left campus to get energy drinks at a gas station during a tennis match. It really was hilarious. We ended up spending almost $20 and drinking every drop, which gives you a little more than a kick... Anyway, it just made me really happy that she said that.

I also have my free period with three of my friends [this is extremely lucky... usually you're lucky to be with one]. In History we're talking about Ghandi. If you don't know much about him, you should learn some. He really was an amazing man. I can't believe that I'm almost seventeen years old and I barely knew anything about him at all before that class. Painting is, of course, amazing. We learn a few new techniques every week, and then listen to music and paint the rest of the time. Digital Design is actually really cool too though. It's a class where you learn to use Photoshop to it's full potential and code your own website from scratch, using the pictures. The coding is pretty hardcore, like what the edit page on Myspace looks like. type stuff. It sounds boring, I know, but it's really not at all. It's so much fun to see that you've made a website from a Notepad document. I guess once my site is done at the end of the semester [around early December], I'll post it on here.

I know I'm a nerd. I really don't care.
And for the record, I also like Nickelodeon and video games. :)

Who knew? You really can escape in a Jeep.

Today I drove.
I drove and I cried.
I drove too fast.
The speed clears my mind.

110, 120,
I've almost escaped,
Wrestling for control,
what is my fate?

I cry and I cry here,
tears roll down my face.
They'll never find me here.
No one knows this place.

I've passed the city limit now,
It's here I can think,
With no one to question
just why I'm so weak.

Black asphault burns,
Jack's lost in Dark Blue,
I'm finally alone now,
to discover what's true.


**The third to last line is a reference to Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin. The lyrics are below. I always listen to that song (and the rest of JM's songs) when I'm depressed or something. Actually I guess I listen to them all the time, but especially when I'm upset.**

I have,
I have you breathing down my neck, breathing down my neck.
I don't,
don't know what you could possibly expect under this condition so,
I'll wait, I'll wait
for the ambulance to come, ambulance to come pick us up off the floor
what did you possibly expect under this condition so
slow down,
this night's a perfect shade of...

Dark blue, dark blue
have you
ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm
here with you
I said the world could be burning and burning down

Dark blue, dark blue
have you
ever been alone in a crowded room well I'm
here with you
I said the world could be burning till there's nothing but dark blue,
just dark blue.

And this flood,
this flood is slowly rising up, swallowing the ground beneath
my feel. Tell me how anybody thinks under this condition so
I'll swim, I'll swim
as the water rises up,
sun is sinking down and now all i can see
are the planets in a row suggesting it's best that I
slow down,
this night's a perfect shade of...

Dark blue, dark blue,
have you
ever been alone in a crowded room,
well I'm
here with you
I said the world could be burning and burning down

Dark blue, dark blue
have you
ever been alone in a crowded room
well I'm
here with you,
I said the world could be burning and burning down.

We were boxing,
we were boxing the stars,
we were boxing (we were boxing),
you were swinging from Mars,
and then the water reached the west coast,
and took the power lines, the power lines
and it was me and you,
the whole town underwater,
there was nothing we could do
It was dark blue

Dark blue, dark blue
Have you
ever been alone in a crowded room,
well I'm
here with you
I said the world could be burning and burning down.
[x2]

If you've ever been alone,
you'll know,
dark blue.
If you've ever been alone,
you'll know.

PS: Thank you to everyone that comments me! I promise I'll comment you back!! Since the world insists on torturing teenagers, we should insist on talking to help endure all of this.
:]

I cant get these people out of my head...

Why is it always that the greatest people in your life end up being really hard to stay in touch with? This is a problem for me, especially lately. My best friend's parents are sending her to Juvy for failing a drug test [She smoked some weed like 3 months ago]. I don't know how far away she'll be, but I'm pretty sure that it will be far from here, and I know that it'll be harder to talk to her.

I love the fact that I go to a boarding school - the dorm gives me a place to go at night where I can escape from my parents. However, every time people get kicked out [which happens a lot because they can kick you out for next to nothing] you lose a friend that you've lived with and really talked to on a deep level. One of my best friends from last year was kicked out at the end of the year. I'm not sure what school's going to be like without her this year. She and I had a lot in common, and she was one of the few people that I could talk to without being judged. She lives about eight hours away though, so I doubt that I'll ever see her again.

I'll also probably never see the girl that I talked about before... the one from Indiana. I met her at a pre-college program this summer, and even though I haven't known her long, I really care about her. We tried to get together a few times over the summer, but it never seems to work out. Once my parents said no because of the expensive plane ticket, and once I saved up enough money for one, she was at a family reuinion, and now we both have school. I can feel us falling apart because it's been so long since we've seen each other.

I guess I'm just feeling disconnected with some people that I'm really close to lately. I know that once school starts tomorrow, I'll meet new people, and I'll get over it to some degree. I'll still miss them though. I know that my bff will always be in my life, but the other people probably won't. I can't believe that I'll never see them again. I'm just terrible at letting go of people, and even though I'll never see some of the people I know ever again, and I have other friends, I still miss the people from my past.