Some good things and some bad...

Last night when I got home, I went into my sister's room to talk to her since I really don't get to see her much anymore. I asked her what was wrong and I get the uniform "Nothing," which obviously means something. To make a long story short, she ended up telling me that she and my mom would be a lot happier if I wasn't here. Ever. The thing is that my mom was standing right there, and she didn't do a thing to stop her. She just stood in the doorway watching, arms crossed.

Yes, I did leave for part of the time, and I knew that would be hard for her, but we talked about it. I thought this was over. If she needed to talk more, I assumed that she'd pick up a phone and call. She obviously can do that - she sent 22,500 text messages to her boyfriend last month. I apologized to her for my being gone so often, but I never raised my voice. She told me to fuck off and get out and all I did was listen. I never replied. She asked me to reply, tried to prod me into getting angry and I told her that I had nothing to say to her. I couldn't handle being here, so I drove to my best friend's house. I cannot tell you how amazing it was to just collapse and have her right there to pick me up. We sat in her front yard and I cried and she hugged me and she listened.

I don't know what I'm going to do about this situation. If she doesn't want me there, I won't be. I'm sorry that she feels abandoned, but she should have talked to me about it before she was this upset. I told her when I left that it was important to me that she was okay with it, and that I wanted her to say something if she wasn't. I'm sorry that our family doesn't get along as well when I'm here, but I already knew that. It's why I left in the first place. I can't take this anymore. I can't take being treated like some sort of monster with no feelings. Maybe I am older, and maybe I'm less needy than she is, but I still have feelings. Ugh!

Tonight I'm about to head off to my best friend's house again, and then we're going to paint some spirit up around the area... :) My school's football team is playing their ULTIMATE rival tomorrow night, and it's a huge deal - the foreign kids say it's kinda like World Cup on a smaller scale. We get to dress up for school all week long (Today was twin day, tomorrow is red day because our school's colors are red, etc). A lot of guys make homemade flags for their cars and almost everyone with a car paints it with that car paint stuff. The entire campus is covered in signs/flags, and the school even bought this huge truck for seniors to drive around town in with a microphone on it and a fake tiger in the back. Ah I'm so excited for the game tomorrow!!!! I don't even like football, but this game consumes the entire city. Well, maybe not the entire city (I think there are around 1,000,000 in the whole town), but last year 17,000 people came. Pretty impressive for a high school game...

The Weekend.

So yesterday I took the road trip with my bff and we met her parents half-way between her town and here because her stepdad had this doctor's confrence there. It was fun, but I felt really bad because I could tell that seeing them was making her really homesick. I tried to cheer her up on the way back, and I think it worked. We stopped at a fireworks store, which was fun, and the ride back gave us a chance to really get to talk to each other about serious stuff. Cars are the best places to talk to people. You can talk about anything there because you're all alone, you don't have to make eye contact, and you know no one else can hear. We mostly talked about our parents. She's going through a lot of the same things that I am with her parents. She's the other way around though - her dad's a dick and her mom's really cool.

Anyway, we got back into town arond 8 and then I had to run by mom's house to get clothes and stuff before I left to spend the night at my friend's apartment last night and my dad's until Wed. While I was there, my mom got really mad at me because she didn't want me to go to my dad's. She started accusing him of doing all these horrible things during the divorce and everything - like she was trying to get me to side with her. Why can't parents ever be mature? She's almost 50 years old, and she's accusing him of doing things that happened (or didn't happen) ten years ago. Seriously... I guess it's just really hard for me to be around her when she's like that because for so long I thought she would never lie to me, and now I don't know where the truth lies. She has so much anger, and she's so decietful. I'm really shaken by her now. I can't look at her the same way I did before all of this. I can't even imagine what would have happened if I had stayed any longer than I did, or if my friend hadn't been downstairs talking to my sister. I couldn't take it any more, and I just got my stuff and walked out the door. I dropped my bff off at the dorm and went over to my friend's apartment - one of my good friends that graduated last year - for the rest of the night. We had a great time too - ended up going to Krystal at around 3:00am for a Sackful.
:]

My mom wonders why my friends means so much to me. I guess she never stopped to think about the fact that I trust them more than I trust her. I can't imagine all this without my best friends. Maybe they're not related to me, but I seriously consider them my family at this point.